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13 January 2013 @ 01:24 am
No, I'm not "picky."  

I’ve had to apologize for being a “picky eater” all my life. If somebody invites me over for dinner and says they’re gonna make something that I can’t eat, I get ashamed, and explain:

“I’m sorry. I’m really picky. Here are the things I can eat…”

It makes me feel like a spoiled brat.

But you know what? Something isn’t right. See, a picky person has foods they WANT TO and DON'T WANT TO eat.

I have foods I CAN and CAN'T eat.

What do I mean by that?

I’ve always had a painfully sensitive gag reflex. Sometimes, I gag for no reason whatsoever. It’s painful, it’s unpleasant, and sometimes it results in something coming up.

My stomach hurts like hell when I retch. It’s basically dry-heaving. So maybe you can understand that, where I do have control, I’d prefer to prevent myself from having to gag?

If I don’t want to eat something, it’s because I CAN’T. Some foods just bother me enough that I simply can’t swallow them. That changes from year to year, and sometimes from day to day!

Sometimes, I’ll be fine eating something at first, but then I can’t finish it. Maybe my body gets sick of it; I don’t know. I get people looking at me judgmentally, like I’m being wasteful. Like somehow, my act of throwing away that sandwich is causing global hunger. No, fuck that.

Eating is, overall, an unpleasant experience for me. I wish I didn’t have to do it at all. It has become a more unpleasant experience due to my trying to please other people and force things down my throat that I shouldn’t be forcing down. In other words, pushing myself to eat things I don’t like makes me less likely to eat regularly and healthily, because I associate eating with being forced into something unpleasant.

It’s time for this to stop. It’s time for me to stop apologizing for what is essentially the physical manifestation of a mental illness.

-I sometimes eat meat, because that’s all I can get down my throat at that time.

-I sometimes eat unhealthy food, because that’s all I can get down my throat at that time.

-I sometimes waste food, because I can’t get it down my throat.

-I sometimes refuse to eat something that was generously cooked for me, because I can’t get it down my throat.

-I sometimes eat unhealthy things/meat because I know I will like it, and it will be a positive experience for me, and I need more positive eating experiences.

And nobody has the right to shame me for that.

 
 
 
Sandysitakali on January 28th, 2013 02:23 pm (UTC)
I get friends looking at me judgmentally when I throw food away a lot, saying, "why aren't you finishing that?" or telling me to just take it home (when I know I won't eat it later). My parents have always been irritated by my trouble with food, even when they were trying to be supportive. It's driven my previous partners crazy. I think the reason I wrote the post now was because of the way some friends have reacted to my eating habits, and I realized I was apologizing and being so self-conscious - and it needs to stop.
(Anonymous) on September 11th, 2013 10:19 am (UTC)
Screw all the judgmental people out there! if you don't feel like eating or eating certain foods then don't eat them. No one has the right to criticize or comment on anyones eating habits,.. it just creates further stress so stick to your guns chick and stop with the apologising, take care earthygirl x
Sandysitakali on September 11th, 2013 10:42 am (UTC)
Thanks. I think I'm starting to get better about it. I have a partner who will back me up now, so that helps. In general, I've started to speak up more when something bothers me, and stopped trying to get people to empathise with me and having to explain my actions to people.